this blog is brought to you by the number 3 and the letter C

I have recently acquired some private tutoring time with a couple of children. It is really nothing big, but the pay is well worth it. I still don't know what to teach the kids. I guess all of that will come with time. I have decided for now to try to teach basic ideas of English. That means I have to really think about English and the uses of it.

The one thing that I have really come to appreciate is the English language. The more I teach it, the more I see how complex it really is. As I am trying to learn the Korean language too, I realize how much of a gap there is. The nice thing about me trying to learn Korean is that I see what the children go through. I understand their frustration and amazement of the new language. I know what they struggle with as far as language goes. I am always questioning why they do things and how things came about, the answers are usually just because. That is what I tell the children sometimes, just because. Again I find myself ranting, that is a nice little theme I have now a days.

I know this update is kind of short in comparison to my other ones. The truth is that nothing really new has happened, but I promised every other day so here I am.

So the lesson of the day. A new challenge is in front of me, I am excited to see how i react and grow from this.


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The End


Sometimes you can teach an old dog a new trick


-Cezar-

this blog is brought to you by the number 3 and the letter C

my mind is willing but my body is old

A typical weekend? I think not.

Friday:
I was invited over the weekend to Jeonju for a couple different events. The first event was a BBQ at a good friend's house on friday night. So I grabbed one of the last buses from my area to Jeonju, it was about 6:30 pm. It was a typical 2 hour bus ride to the town. Once I got to Jeonju I went to Stan's place to put my stuff down and unwind. We end up relaxing and doing much of nothing. The party wasn't starting until about 9:30; so we had plenty of time to kill. We ended up just getting food and getting a couple of drinks before hand. We decided to be fashionably late and ended up getting to the BBQ at 10:30. We get to the party and find the men to women ratio to be compelling. We get into the room and find a group of people sitting talking and laughing. Stan and I grab a couple of chairs and catch up with the group as far as talking and or drinking. I was in rare form as stand and one of my other friends had pointed out. It felt like the good old days. I was talking being the life of the party and most especially getting the attention of some very pretty ladies. I am not gonna bore you all to death with the details but I did end up walking away with a phone number. Mind you that I got this number after I was making a fool of myself by dropping water on the floor and stuffing my face with bread because I was hungry. I was a great time. I was really able to let myself be myself, I hadn't done that in a while. It was a lot of unexpected fun and what not. That was my friday night. It was filled with fun and debauchery; I couldn't of asked for a better time.

Saturday:
My body was put through the grinder this day. I had woken up on Saturday morning feeling like a freight train had hit me. I was out until 2am drinking the night before. I am not a young man anymore, so Saturday morning was no fun for me. I tried all of my cures for a hangover, but none worked. Then Stan had suggested a sauna. I had never been in a sauna, and it seemed like a good idea. The sauna was the cure to all my aches. I sat in the steam room for an hour or so then sat in the hot tub for another hour. After we left the sauna, I felt like a new man. I had regained all my energy and found myself very relaxed. So after the sauna Stan and I were committed in a social event for hiking in Jeonju. This group of people were called the Hashers. I was informed that the Hashers is a world wide group that hikes or runs a planned route. It was my first time in this group, so I was to be initiated as a "virgin". This involved many acts of public embarrassments, one of them was to carry a balloon around being sure not to lose or pop it. So we start on the trail. Some of the experienced Hashers start running ahead. While the others laid back and walked. We follow a route that is outlined in chalk. Many of the signs are placed, but often you had to keep your eyes open so not to miss your mark. Many of these marks were called a check point, and if not marked by group leaders you are to explore all other revenues to find the right route. The person who had set up the route would tries intentionally to make you walk or run more to find your true route. Then there are certain markers that you have to do certain acts. As I was a virgin to this whole event, every time I saw a sign of a box with a V in it, I had to do a certain act. I was to spin around and say I am new and I am a virgin three times in a row. So this took place in a couple different places. So I did the walk with great people. I met some great people and had some good conversations. So 4.5 miles and a couple of hours later we finished the route. We get to the end and we find booze and food. We eat and drink and have more conversation. After eating, the virgins were lined up for more fun. One of the virgins was tired and tried to sit down. On his way to sitting down on the floor accidentally popped his balloon. His punishment was to come later on. So as virgins we were asked to do one of 3 things, either sing a song, tell a joke or do an interpretive dance. I chose to dance. I made a fool of myself, and it was great. So at the end of the day, I was extremely tired and embarrassed from a full day of exercise. It was worth it. After a couple hours of walking and sweating and more walking, we went home. We showered up and rested up. We all met up again at a local bar. We started talking and chatting and laughing. I really started to have fun with the group. After a night before of drinking and chatting, another night of more drinking was really something I did not want to do. I still had a couple of drinks and laughs. So we finished the night pretty early around 12ish and went back to sleep.

Sunday:
Sunday morning was tough. I woke up and everything hurt so much. I had two days of drinking with friends and 4.5 miles of hiking. Stan and I ended up going to a local coffee shop to relax and what not. We grabbed some really great natural fruit drinks. The owner of the coffee shop recognized that we were both foreigners and started talking to us. He was a retired man that just up and decided to open a really cool shop. He had told me that he spent 4-5 years in the Philippines doing land surveying. He was a really cool shop owner, his nickname was "sm". SM started to just really talking with us just because, but ended up telling us really cool stories. Then he received a phone call from one of the hashers, Kevin or "Hammer". So Hammer wanted to do some trail blazing. Stan looks at me and asks if I wanted to do some more hiking. I was not one to say no, so we went for another hike. This one was different. Hammer decided to hike a mountain steeper then the one that we did the day before. Not only was it steeper, but also longer. I was really not dressed to hike I had on jeans. It was a really hot day, and hiking up a mountain with jeans is really not a good idea. I was pouring buckets of sweat, but again it was worth the pain. On part of the trail we found a local Buddhist cemetery. The cemetery was full of tombstones that were amazingly beautiful. These stones looked like it took much time and effort to complete. We walked around for a while in the area and I saw some really interesting pieces. So we get done with that, and get down from the mountain. I had soaked through my shirt and had to re-shower. Stan and I had planned to go to church, but I was so torn up and tired that I chose to go home instead. 2 hours later, I was home and I just had to crash for a couple of minutes before doing chores. That was my weekend.

What I learned from this weekend was to power through it all. I realized that I have to keep on going even if my body is in shambles. I realized that sometimes a good friend and good conversation can keep you moving through anything. I also realized that I am extremely out of shape. I always knew I was not in shape, but I didn't know it was that bad. I guess one of the better things that came out of this weekend is that now I feel motivated to get into some type of shape. I realize that I have to do something to just get the blood pumping more often. I used to run 6 miles a day once upon a time, and that gave me great insight about many things. Maybe I can start doing that again. I remember when I used to run, not only did it get my blood going but also my mind. Hopefully this will be a nice way to kick start myself to getting back into shape.

If you want to see any of my pictures throughout my trips feel free to visit http://photobucket.com/etisk .


____

The End

The mind and the body is your temple be sure to treat it as so.


-Cezar-

my mind is willing but my body is old

something blog related

I have decided to post every other day, and maybe on days when I feel like it. It seems to me that I post every 2 days. So I decided today that I will post on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I will take a break on the other days, I can really write about things so much. Like I said, if something happens that is of major significance I will write, otherwise I will post on every other day.


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The End

Sometimes you feel like a nut... sometimes you don't - Almond joy (the candy)

-Cezar-

something blog related

insert witty title

I find myself at an impasse. I find myself struggling at my progress. I never really fancied myself as a real writer. I never really saw myself as a serious scribe of the world. There seems to be a little part of me that wants to do and be more. I don't really know to make progress as one would do in this field. Do I want to try to sound smarter? I have always believed that sounding smart and having the actual intellect is quite a difference. I really don't know. I often find myself at a fork. As with all my life decisions, I really just let things happen as they may. I am not one to plot or plan for any foreseeable situations. I also find myself struggling about what to write and how to write it. As I re-read all my past logs, I see my flaws of story telling. Even now I find myself trying not to make the same mistakes, yet habits are hard to break. I know that stories need and want to bring the reader into a world of that particular event, I find my stories lacking. Maybe I lack the verbal and intellectual capacity to actually write a story that really brings you into the journey. Then again, I am not writing stories, as they are experiences. But aren't these experiences just another form of a story; shouldn't these stories involve the reader? I don't know. Maybe it is me being self aware of my flaws as a writer. I don't even know if I can call myself that without, actual writers of the past turning in their graves. Do I really want to pursue the perfect story? Should I keep writing as is? Can there be more? Can I be more?

Some time ago, when I was young and foolish, I thought of myself as a writer. I would always try to write down my thoughts and ideas. When I was in school, I found myself happy to write essays about stuff that I had no idea about. I always found a way to comment on life. I always saw myself as someone that stood outside of the crowd and looked in the window. I thought of myself as an observer of life not a participant. Is that what it takes to be a writer? I don't know if I always enjoyed writing. It was always just something I did for fun or out of boredom. Even now I write because I am bored, but I also feel a sense of freedom. This is a world that I can be me. I can truly express who I am and what I think. I always put on a facade of a goofy unknowing kid. Here I can be who I truly wish to be. I can be a well spoken and unlighted person. I can step outside of the person I project and be the person I want to be. That is a relief. I don't pose as a smart person, or something that I am not.

In today's post I think I will actually air myself out. This post will be more for myself then anyone else.

I don't think I have much experience in life, yet I always find myself giving advice. I don't fancy myself as an intellectual, yet I find myself roaming the halls of wise men. I think I can explain who I am in a couple of words, a planned spontaneous oxymoron. As I write this blog I am thinking about my younger days in college. I never saw myself as a well read or experienced person, but I always found myself as someone who always gave advice. I didn't give advice when it wasn't wanted, friends would seek me out to ask, and for some reason I always had an answer. I always found that odd. I never really told them that I didn't have too much life experience, and I never did. I have helped people out of situations that I have never been in my life, and it all worked out. I also found myself in leadership positions. I never thought of myself as a take charge person, I am by all means not. I am not one to jump head first or run in front of the pack. I would always be in a group. Someone takes charge and before I know it I'm in charge. I ended up delegating and ordering people, and they seemed to follow my lead. I never really understood why that happened.

There are many mysteries in my life. Things happen to me and for me at different times. I always accept it for what it is and move on. I think one day I will find my answers to my questions. I am not going to look for the answers. Knowing how my life usually works out; the answers will present themselves to me. Again. I find myself rambling on.

I also wanted to thank those who actually read my posts. I would love to read comments and hear from you.


____

The End

I am who I am for the sake of those who need me to be me.

-Cezar-

insert witty title

can you say road trip?

A couple of weeks ago I had a little bit of a random road trip. It was a weird series of events. It all started when I had a 4 day weekend. There was an international film festival going on that I really wanted to attend. This international film festival sounded like an awesome idea to really get a feel for something new. I am by far the least cultured guy I know. I thought that a film festival would do me some good, with my luck all the good shows were sold out. So I was standing there with a couple of friends playing pool bummed that most to all the movies were sold out. Then a voice of hope comes from left field. We should go to Seoul. After a couple minutes of mulling over and pondering, I was in. Random road trip to Seoul, sounds like a good idea. My bags were already packed and I had no real responsibilities that weekend. So the next day early in the morning, there I went with one other person to Seoul. So I jump into the bus with my friend and take a 3 hour trip to Seoul. We get into Seoul and it was exactly how I thought it would be. I was basically walking in the streets of New York. The funny thing about that was I am in a small town in South Korea, so my reaction was something like this "wow, you city folk sure are fancy." My friend and I start making our way to where we need to be. We find a taxi and take a 10 min drive to the town we were needed to go to. The part of the story I forgot to mention was that there was a lantern light festival going on. That was partly or mostly why we went to Seoul. So we get to the town that we need to go to. We find our way to an information booth. We needed to find a place to sleep. The idea of a hostel crossed my friends mind. By the way my friend's name is Stan. I will refer to him as such for the rest of the story. So Stan had the idea before to sleep in a hostel. When we get to the information center we get the hostels in the area. The first one that was suggested to us was called banana backpackers. I kid you not, that was the real name of the place. The joking ensues for and about the name. Such as, really?!? banana backpackers. In America a place like this would not be a place to sleep at, actually it would be a club for well you get the idea. I started to rename the place as banana hammock packers, to really drive home the point. I really wish I had taken a picture of it. It was quite a funny event slash story slash situation. So Stan and I walk into the hostel and ask for rooms. Apparently they were all out of rooms. So in a scramble we asked where the nearest other hostel is. We luckily found one and booked the room. We asked where it was. It was about an hour away. Thanks desk lady for giving us a warning. So we asked her to un-book it and asked for the nearest motel. We were told to go somewhere and we followed instructions as told. So we found a motel and what they called rooms. It was a 4 by 4 cell hardly enough room to walk and or sit, but we got the rooms for sleeping and not much more. So we put our stuff down and start walking towards the festivities. We walk back to banana backpackers, well because there was a cute girl there that I wanted to finish flirting with. I decided not to walk into the place for reasons unknown, reassuring myself that she will be there later. So we walk away and into town. We check out all the local stuff like handcrafted everything. I saw Monks from all over the world walking around. I saw beautiful lanterns hanging from everywhere. I saw all walks of life just mixing together. It was really a cool experience. We had decided earlier that we would go back later at night when the lanterns were on. So we walk back to the rooms and rest up. We wake up later on the night and leave the rooms. Then decided to go back to banana backpackers to find where the local flavor was, also to finish what I started with the girl. With my luck she had left, her shift was over. So we got the info we needed. Stan looks at me with the I told you so look, he had warned me earlier that if I didn't talk to her earlier I would lose my chance. So we move on, we retrace our steps and find the lanterns all on. A monk who had been drawing people's energy all day picked me out of the crowd. He told me in his best English to put my hand on a piece of paper and draws a picture. Apparently the man is and the writing means ghost killer. So I guess he drew me something to protect me from evil spirits. Which is a really cool thing. The night went on. We took some really cool pictures of some really cool places. At the end we were both a little bit thirsty. We also wanted to interact with some people. Some company wouldn't hurt any bit. So we go bar hopping. Finding that the local bar scene isn't any different from back in our respective towns. As a last hope and or ditch effort to find some other people, because it was basically a empty night, we walk to the last bar which can really be explained by the picture. Yeah, I think that explains why we went into the place. Despite the name, there was no such things going on there. If you look closely at the picture you will see that it is technically the second one in existence. We went in there for the kicks of it. We wanted to go just because of the name, if we didn't then the story wouldn't of been as entertaining. We finish our night there and head back to the room beaten from the day. The next day was a little more relaxing. We knew the lay of the land, so we had nothing on the agenda. We had met two other travelers that stayed in out motel and decided to join them on their journey. We grab breakfast at a local coffee shop. We all ended up sitting on the roof top of the coffee shop eating and enjoying the sun for what it had offered. It was a good way to really relax. So after an hour or so we started to mosey along. Walked around enjoyed the sights again and found a local park. At the local park we ended up just laying in the grass. Not long after that, the two travelers left and we left soon after. Our trip had come to an end. I get back to Jeonju and found that I had spend most to all of my money. I had made plans earlier to meet up with another friend, she had to pick me up via cab. I ended up spending the night at Stan's place and went back home the next day. That just sums up the trip.


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The End


Be sure to take the road less traveled; you might just find out that was the road you were supposed to be on.


-Cezar-

can you say road trip?

By the power of greyskull

Today's blog will has been inspired by a book I just finished reading, "The Little Prince". It has also been brought to you by the letter C. I really don't fancy myself as a reader of books or anything written, which is a little ironic because I do tend to write a lot. I guess you don't need to read too much to be able to write. You know the old saying, you put a hand full of monkeys in a room full of typewriters and you will eventually get Shakespeare. Aside from that little tangent, back to the topic at hand. Seeing through the eyes of a child. I have not had a real opportunity in my life to work with children or to really interact with them, until I came here. I have been teaching many youngsters the ways of English and what not. The combination of my teaching experience and the book that I mentioned earlier has given me some insight. As I interact with these children, both in and out of the classroom, I find a general amazement in their eyes. As I walk about and talk to them I see the cogs in their minds turning. I can see the amazement and wonder that fills their minds of thoughts and fantasies.

If you have not read The Little Prince yet, I advise you to do so. It was one of those books that really makes you step outside of yourself. The basic premise of the book was that a man gets stranded in a desert. All alone he needs to fix his plane and try to survive. Along comes a child that tags along the journey of the author. This child tells the author stories of his journey to the author's home planet. These stories are of the various adults that he had met on his way to Earth. What I took away from the book was how children must see adults. After reading the book I reflected on the people that I have met and the person who I am, and found that it is mostly true. Adults or grown ups seem to only care about themselves and their own tasks. Some are consumed by it and others are blinded by the responsibility. We often think that our own little world is the biggest most important and others should not only respect it but acknowledge it. We often get consumed by the task(s) of our little world that we lose perspective. The child in the story often commented that adults were confusing. Do you remember when you were a child? Or, have you run into a child that only asks why things work the way they work? Did you respond to them, just because? That is what the basic idea of the book. This child goes from one small planet to the next asking why each adult did what they did, most of the time the answers were confusing other times there were no answers at all. A child's world is simple. Things and places exist and they are tasked to take care of them or watch them. They are not consumed with monetary things or the idea of having the most things. They simply play and enjoy the world for what it is and wonder why adults do what they do.

The more that I think about it, I see that adults feel dulled down by life. Adults are set into routines or habits they feel that they cannot break away from. In an adult world, there is no time or point of being a child. Yes, many adults have many child-like tendencies or habits, but that does not mean they are in fact children. I don't know when we lose or have lost the ability to have that wonderment in our souls, but it is hard to achieve. I often joke about my little cousins. I joke that I can spend hundreds of dollars on a toy, but they will play with the box the longest. As adults we see it just as a box, but children see a world of possibility. Somewhere in the translation of life, we lose that ability to have fun with absolutely nothing.

I do encourage you to try to get that wonderment and childlike amazement back into your lives. I don't mean acting like a child. I mean try to dig deep into yourself and find what most of us have lost over the years. I don't mean just being silly or goofy. I actually mean try to see something that isn't there. Try to look into a pile of sand or a box as a possibility of a fort or a land far far away. Try to look at something common and ask yourself what would have I done when I was a child. When was the last time you actually tried to swing on swing set and try to jump off at the peek of the swing?

I think everyone's first step should be to buy and read The Little Prince.


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The End

"One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes." - The Little Prince


-Cezar-

By the power of greyskull

sometimes you need to laugh part deux: eletric dynomite

So I decided to make this post about the power of laughter again. I was at dinner with my co-workers again. We were at this restaurant in a very remote area. So we sit down and start eating. I ended up sitting next to 3 teachers, 1 can speak fairly good English and the other 2 are at a very basic level. I hear the normal chit chatter of the people talking. There had been something wrong with the stove at my table. The gentleman sitting next to me tried to fix the problem by throwing a paper cup into the fire hoping to ignite more of the fire. The whole table started laughing at his antics, and for my sake all of them in perfect English says "fire!". At that moment we started to laugh a little bit. The whole night this gentleman tried to make conversation with me through hand gestures and jokes. His English skills are at a basic level, but he still tried his hardest to make that communication. I think he knows that I like to laugh, so he tried to make gestures or try to communicate something funny. So the night continued. We had been ordering drinks and beer for most of the night. One of the teachers said to me, "can you order beer for us?". I was like ok. So in my best effort to ask for beer in the language. The waitress turns to me and says in Korean that there is no more beer. So i turn my head and everyone was looking at me like I had 5 heads. They were astonished at what I just had said in their language. So they start asking me what else I know. My level of Korean is at the most basic level, at best. So I start spouting what I had knew in the language. They all were laughing and also impressed with my grip of baby level Korean. One of the people in the group says in Korean that I was cute for trying. The funny and ironic thing was I feel the same way when they try to speak English. When they speak English and are struggling, in my head I am always saying "come on you can do it". It was funny to me to see the tables being turned. After that, we had continued to eat. My co-workers tried more and more to communicate and what not. Now, at the table and generally in the area, I am a pretty big guy. Being overweight is not a common thing in Korea, so my co-teachers always talk to me about that. At the table after I was done eating, the gentleman next to me starts making jokes about my size. I start laughing with him. At one point, he puts his hand on my belly and says "pregnant?". I said yes, with twins. He starts bursting in laughter. We start laughing together. He turns to the vice principal and translates to Korean and she starts laughing. The rest of the table caught wind of what he had said, and we all start laughing. One of the people at the table asks how long. I told them 8 months. They start laughing even more with me. After that I start talking to the people who can speak English and to some who can't too. We start talking and what not. Again joking ensues about random things. We end the night and go back to our respective dorms.

I wanted to tell this story to really drive home the idea of my last blog. Even at a basic level of English or no English at all, laughter is the easiest way to communicate. I think that joking and laughing opens up doors of communication and bonding. When they started joking and laughing with me, I really felt at home. The simple act of it or the effort of doing it was comforting. One part of the story I for got to mention. While I was eating. The gentleman beside me picks up what we were eating, it was a small piece of duck. He turns to me and says "mickey mouse leg?". He starts laughing and so do I. Again it was a simple level of communication, but at least he was trying to communicate some how. This is why I think the power of jokes and laughter is undeniable. This is why I chose comedy as my personality, because at a very basic level everyone likes to laugh. I really do think and believe this. This is how I live my life. One joke at a time.


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The End

"If you can't laugh at yourself, then who can you laugh at?" -somebody



-Cezar-

sometimes you need to laugh part deux: eletric dynomite

sometimes you need to laugh

The funny thing about being out here is seeing what we share in common. I thought, as many people do, that a foreign land and people means a totally different place. The thing that I see that transcends color, race and religion is laughter. I found that sometimes even when trying to communicate in a different language, that laughing is the best solution. There have been many moments in my experiences here where me and the person that I am trying to talk to laugh about not being able to actually talk. I find that this common connection is one of the many glues of society that we often over look.

Now that I have started writing again, I find myself people watching more often. I didn't really do it as much when I was back at home. Now that I am doing it again, it is a fun little hobby. I think I might have an advantage here, I blend into the crowd and I don't stick out so people go about their business. Seeing that I am not from this land or culture I get to see more of who people really are. The funny thing is that the people I am around aren't really that different. I have constantly been invited to go to dinner with my co-workers. We have no real way of communication, but often share a laugh through hand gestures. From what I have seen, heard and experienced, its all the same. We laugh at the same jokes and I watch them interact, it's like siting at home with my family making the same jokes. I assumed that it would be a lost in translation situation. It's really more like a familiar stranger, if that makes any sense.

I have always enjoyed the gift humor. Like I said humor is one of those things that kinda glues our societies together. Even if we can't communicate, sometimes pointing and laughing at something that we find commonly funny will build that foundation of true friendship. If not a friendship, a good laugh is usually a cure for anything. Our values may differ in many different aspects, but laughing at something stupid or ridiculous helps people bond. This is one of the many little things that give me comfort over here. Even though sarcasm is a foreign and misunderstood idea over here; I still get to enjoy a good laugh at stupid things.

Again, I find myself rambling. I guess what I am really trying to say is. I found that one of the fundamental things that makes me happy is laughter. Sometimes when I feel not at home or really frustrated, I look at the situation and laugh. Because sometimes I can't help but laugh at what is going on. There is no point at being angry, because in the long run it's easier to laugh then to get angry. Things tend to seem better and feel better when you laugh; even better when you get to share the laughter.
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The End

There's a thin line between to laugh with and to laugh at.
Richard Pryor

-Cezar-

sometimes you need to laugh

self actualization

Self actualization is an idea. I first ran into this idea in college. It was in a psych course that I had signed up for. I read into it more and more. Self actualization is the idea that one has the ability to understand one's own potential. Once that potential is realized, you can begin a path of true greatness. I enjoyed this idea for many reasons. First, because it really give you the control to do what you need to do to realize your potential. Once you realize it you can obtain a higher level of awareness and self control. You can maximize your path in life and really control what is to come down the path. It wasn't until I came here did I actually start the path of self actualization. I didn't realize how much I was stunted by staying where I was in life. I was content with the grind and with my little world. I never really knew my real abilities as far as anything. I had a feeling of who I was and what my purpose was, but really why. My personal bubble back at home kept me from really getting into the world and taking it on. The day I got here; that bubble was burst into pieces. My values and my fortitude was tested and retested. What I have found was that I was not as prepared as I hoped. I thought that I would or could handle most to anything that life threw at me until I came here. I am not saying I am a weak willed person or my fortitude lacks strength. I really thought I was going to leave and turn tail. I guess I needed a kick in the pants to really get me moving in the right direction. I guess this is the time for me to really re-evaluate everything. I don't know nor do I have high expectations for this year as far as anything, but I do hope to grow a little bit. This is a real opportunity for me to get my head out of the sand. There are many steps that I need to start on. The first few steps are always the hardest, but I really need to find the motivation to start. I believe one of my first real goals is to break the bad habits. I know it's easier said then done, but I might as well as try and fail for fear of not trying at all.

Right now all of this is talk. Talk with no action at all. Of course I want to be a better person, who doesn't? But, often I find the true path to change is the path with most resistance or the least traveled. I find that my life has always been in the wind. I don't plan nor do I have any plans to plan. I think that most of the time life just pushes me in the direction I need to go and I just flow with it. I like that aspect of my life. I guess that is my greatest strength and weakness at the same time. I guess that is what need to change first. I am just rambling right now.

I think my path to self actualization is going to be different. I really don't know how to start on it. This is really the only time I can do it. My misfortune in luck may just be the opportunity my life needs for me to jump start on finding not only who I am, but also what I can really do.

How about you? Have you started on your path or are you following what you were told? Remember sometimes the path to self actualization may be a path that no one wants you to follow, but you. Sometimes the bad ideas might be the best idea. I am not promoting making stupid decisions, but I am telling you to take a risk. Those risks will lead you to a path that you may have never seen. It is ok to step outside of your comfort zone. It is scary doing so, but leaving your comfort zone will show you a lot of things about yourself.

Maximize your potential. Step outside of yourself and your bubble. See where what happens, you will be surprised not only the result but your reaction. It's never too late to learn something new about yourself.


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The End

"one often meets his destiny on the path they choose to avoid it" The turtle from Kungfu Panda


-Cezar-

self actualization

open minds, hearts and arms

From day one in this country; I have found something that I am not accustomed to, kindness. Most to all of everyone I have met has welcomed me into their lives. No one has turned me away or down. I am always greeted with smiles, handshakes, or a simple bow. Whenever I am lost, people generally help me find my way. There was this one time that I asked for directions. Not only did the gentleman start making phone calls to find directions, he offered to walk me to my destination. To drive this point more about the kindness of the people here, the people in my church are equally amazing. I am sure that they would offer the shirt off of their backs if needed. I met this couple in church, and I have been a constant guest in their home. I feel that I have become an adoptive son into their family. They have gifted to me a slew of helpful tools. These gifts ranged from teaching materials to a good conversation. Their help, advice and gifts started from day one. This was a new and strange feeling. In America everyone is so guarded, that it feels wrong to ask for help or a favor. At first I resisted, well not resisted just weary. This was a type of hospitality that I have not experienced in a very long time, but it was more than welcome in my life.

The one experience that is also very new is acknowledgement. People generally acknowledge that fact that you do exist in the world. You are not just another face in the crowd. You are a person and you are there. This is again something new to me. At home I am nobody, just another lost face in a crowd of lost faces. The great thing about being here is that you are everybody’s friend. When I meet someone or talk to someone; they react as if I am a long lost friend. They welcome me with open arms, mind and heart. Back in America you must earn the right of friendship; here friendship is given away like candy. If I were to talk up to a stranger and start talking to them as if they were my long lost friend, a dirty look is the least of my problems. Here in Korea, this stranger will literally try to hold your hand to help you. Sometimes I feel a simple thank you is not enough for all the kindness I receive.

I think this is one of the biggest lessons I will take away with from Korea, the idea of universal kindness and friendship. I think this idea can really change people. If we all just started smiling more and giving people more acknowledgement, we would be in a better place. If we let our guard down for just a moment, would it be so bad? I once read a bumper sticker that said “have you hugged someone today?” I am seriously asking this question to you. You don’t literally have to hug someone, but have you shown some type of kindness to someone today? If not, why? Many of you are probably saying what is in it for me? Let me answer your question with these questions. Does kindness really need a reward? Do we really need an excuse to be kind? Can’t we give without expecting something back? Is that what our society has come down to? There has to be something in it for us before we do anything. There has to be a reward for our effort before actions are taken. I always believed that kindness it its own reward. Many of you may scoff at that statement. Many of you may call me naïve. I look at you and feel sad that you think that way. Our society has trained us or has lead us to believe that if we do something a reward has to be physical, monetary, or praiseworthy. That reward can never just be an idea or a feeling. It can never be just a handshake, a simple thank you, or absolutely nothing at all.

Just as an example of me practicing what I preach. Yesterday I was walking around my town and I saw to foreigners. They were just walking and they had two large back packs with them. I simply walked up to them and asked, “do you need help?”. Their response was “yes we do.” So I helped them around my town. I walked them to everywhere they needed to get to. I showed them where the stores were, I showed them how to get to certain places. At the end of our little adventure, all I received was a handshake and two new friends. I walked away smiling that night. That was all I needed and wanted from them, a good conversation, a good laugh and friendship.

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The End

Give with no reason, because you need no reason to give.

-Cezar-

open minds, hearts and arms

question of the day

So I've been thinking about it. I have not made the decision of what to do as far as my posts go. I am not too sure if I want write on this on a daily, monthly or weekly basis. I think I will write in it randomly. So I bought a notepad today, this way I can keep track of my thoughts and not have to over do it with my postings here. I guess I will just write in the notepad then just transcribe and add on as I please. Tell me what you think. I would appreciate some feedback.

As far as my blogs go. I haven't really thought of a tone, but then again its a blog. Tone doesn't really matter, its content. As you can probably tell, I am grasping at straws for this particular posting. I am going to keep this one short and sweet.


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As always I will end it with something that I have heard or thought about in my life.

"do or do not, there is no try" yoda


-Cezar-

question of the day

Catching up part 2: the electric boogaloo

So, where was I? I left off with the church. It was an interesting experience. Nothing more to it then that. The first month was a bad month for me. The bad experiences really took away from the good ones. It really weighed heavily on my thoughts of staying or leaving. I kept on trying to give it a chance and every time I did, road blocks and problems kept on coming up. I powered on, even though I really wanted to leave. The biggest source of strength was actually my family. Without them, I really don't know what would have happened. So that was basically my first real month in South Korea. There were some really funny stories that I will tell tale of later on.

The second month, April. This is where I think I started to actually accept everything. For the first month and into a couple weeks of the second month I was miserable. Then one day I realized the more I fought my way up stream, the harder it would be for me. So I decided to finally just stop fighting because I won't be able to really enjoy where I am and what I am doing. I started to bond with the children that I was teaching. I started to bond with the teachers. The better part was I was starting to make more and more friends. I started to enjoy myself a little bit. Now this month was also a bitter sweet time for me. It was a birthday that I would be celebrating it alone. The nice thing was the church I am attending decided to have a picnic. Now I didn't tell anyone that it was my birthday. It was special anyways. I spent the weekend with good friends and when I got back to my appartment, I found a slew of well wishes from friends and family. This was also very meaningful to me. My parents actually sent me a second care package. I thought it was a regular package. I was wrong. As I was going through the package, I saw many items and what not. They sent me a card and all that. Then I had found an easter egg that had a simple label on it saying "happy easter". I opened it up and found cherioes. I kid you not, I almost started to cry. I don't know what set it off, it was so simple. I was on the brink of crying and laughing at the same time. Now this is the month that I had also gotten into a fight with one of the teachers that I was teaching with. She and I had been clashing heads for a while. It finally came to a full on fight one day. I had gotten many things off of my chest and her as well. The next time I taught with her, everything was so much better. And that was basically the end of the second month. I was able to get a better lay of the land. I was able to get a better hold of how to handle myself and the situation. I was able to really start being ok with everything. This is the month that I started to really come into my own. Thanks to the support from my friends and family at home, and also the friends here. I think it has gotten better because I do not hate waking up in the moring in this place any more. I have found a routine, kind of. I have started a path to trying to pick up the language. I am starting to find ways to deal with the isolation and what not of the area. This is the month that I realized that I like my area. I spend many weekends in the nearest large city. I forget that I hate to hear the ambient noise of the city. The simplicity of my area, having the opportunity to have my windows open and not have to hear cars or people wizz by. I also have the oppotunity to enjoy amazing sunsets on a daily basis. This place has also let me appeciate the small and big things in life.

Well that bascially covers March and April. May has just started. I have stories and what not. I don't think I will write about those yet. The month is still too young for me to start writing about it. I don't know how many times I will be writing on this blog. I decided to carry around a notepad and a pen. I want to start jotting down stuff. More then likely, you will be reading some random thoughts and events of the day.



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I also want to start writing some pearls of wisedom that I come up with. More then likely these will come from a source. Others, may be from my head. I will be sure to inform you of which one it is.


I will end this blog with something that I read from a book titled "The Little Prince". The passage goes "One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."

The End
-Cezar-

Catching up part 2: the electric boogaloo

catching up

Hello. My name is Cezar Francisco and I am a teacher in South Korea. I wanted to start blogging about all my experiences from day 1, but as per my life, nothing really went according to plan. So now I am forcing myself to start logging in at least once a month to write about my journey in South Korea. I really want to do this whole thing justice. Even though I missed the first couple months, I will try to write about them now.

Let me start at my goodbye party. I think it was on the 25th of Feb. It was a bitter sweet day, it was my mom's birthday as well. This day was a private session for only my family. The last day they could really say goodbye to me. This was possibly one of the hardest days I had faced in a while. I am not an emotional man, but that day it took all my strength not to cry. The best way I did that was to tell everyone not to cry in front of me. I even instructed my mom not to cry, her punishment would be not being able to go to the airport with me. The funny thing was that my brother was the one that almost made me cry, I had to not talk to him as I left. What is even more funny is that now that I am trying to remember all of this so I can write about it, brings back all the emotions of that day. I really don't know how to capture it in words, basically bitter sweet.

So I get into South Korea. It was about a 16 hour flight. It was not too bad. I had slept for most to all of the fight. My fight had left around midnight of the 25th. I arrived in Korea on the 27th. This is where the story gets twisted and not fun at all. The first 48 hours in South Korea. The first 48 hours was filled with excitement, anger, frustration, and regret. So I get off of the plane. I find my baggage and walk out into the receiving hall. I was told that someone would have my name on a card to pick me up. I get outside the doors and there was no name that I could see. This is where I proceeded to walk around to try to find this person. After about a half hour of walking around I finally decided to go to the information booth. After trying to communicate with the woman behind the desk, the person looking for me went up to the booth to try to look for me. This was the first laugh had in Korea. So the man takes me to a ticket booth, buys my ticket to Jeonju. We are at the bus stop and he gives me a little slip that says, once you are in Jeonju please get off at the first stop. The funny thing was it was in English with no Korean Translation for anyone to read. I am not familiar with the town that I was going how the hell was I supposed to know where Jeonju was and where the hell the first stop was. So I get onto the bus and take a 4 hour bus ride to Jeonju. Of course I miss the first stop because at the first stop I asked the bus driver if this was the first stop in Jeonju, he spoke no English. I ended up getting off at the last stop that the bus had planned. Luckily the slip had 2 numbers in it and I asked the bus driver to call the numbers. Someone from the education office in Jeonju came to pick me up. This is the part of the story that made me want to turn back and go home. So I get into the cab with the person from the Education office. I start talking to him about my assignment in South Korea. I did not mention this before, but I was recruited to teach in a city called Namwon at a High school. So back to the cab ride to the education office. So I start talking to the person in the cab about my assignment in Namwon. My first question was, what is the name of the High school I will be teaching in Namwon. He turns his head towards me and says "Namwon?", your not teaching in Namwon you will be going to Buan. My first inital reaction was WHAT! I didn't raise my voice, but I kindly asked him what happened and why I was switched to Buan instead of Namwon. He answered, it was always in Buan, who promised your Namwon? I responded with "my recruiter". He said, "well I don't know, but you will be in Buan." At that point I wanted to just jump out of the cab and run back to America. I really had no choice at that point, so I stayed and went to the office with the gentleman. I stored all my stuff somewhere and followed him to the office. I met some Newzelanders that were also here on their first day. So we sat and talked and waited for our guides to pick us up and take us to our towns. I was last to go, for good reason. My guide was late about half an hour. Eventually when he picked me up he told me even more news. This news made me want to murder people. He told me that not only is the town NOT Buan it is a small village outside of Buan about 45 min. Also that I will not be teaching just one school I will be teaching five schools. On top of that two of the schools that I have to go to require me to get onto a boat for an hour. Again my reaction went something along the line of WHAT THE F**K! To add insult to injury, my room was NOT ready in the town of Gyeokpo. So I had to stay in Jeonju for about 2 days before the room was ready. The funny part about this, well it wasn't funny at the time but it is now, he wanted to take me to a spa to sleep in for the 2 days. And, as I am fresh from America, I was ok with the idea of a spa. Apparently spa meant a public bath house that naked men tend to walk around with their junk just flopping about. This is again one of those moments where I reacted with "WHAT THE F**K NO!" I informed my guide that I will sleep in a motel for 2 days, I don't care how much it costs. Those 2 days were relatively ok. I was still pissed at the situation. I sent emails to my recruiter, who decided to go on a vacation the day I came, so that was a fun fact. So Sunday comes around, I get taken to the town that I will be teaching at and what not. The town was exactly the opposite of what I wanted. I did not want to work in a town with more rice patties then people, but I kept on rolling with the changes. I still wanted to turn back and go home. This was a situation that no one wants to be in. I am not a violent man, but this is a time where I wanted to really just bust some heads in and do what I needed to do. Again, I stuck with it and the 48 hours was over, that did not mean it was the end of all the bad stuff.

The first week in Gyeokpo. I had taken some medical tests prior to coming to Gyeokpo. These tests were taken to clear me for work. of course when the medical tests come back there was a problem. They told me that I might have liver problems. And that I am technically still not employed yet if i don't pass the tests, so I had to pay out of my own pocket to get more tests done. Eventually I get retested. At this point I was already tired of South Korea. All I wanted was to go home. So on the way to go see the Doctor for my results, I was praying for something to be wrong. I wanted something that would disqualify me from working there but also something I can be cured of back in America. I was out of luck, apparently I was too fat. That was my first week in South Korea.

My first month. I was still adjusting to this whole situation. I wanted to go home. I wanted to punch someone in the face. I just didn't want to be here at all. Teaching in 5 different schools. Being in a situation that totally just sucked and what not. Who in their right mind would stay in a crappy situation like this? You know who, me. I had no choice. What am I going to do, turn back go home and tell the everyone that I failed at trying to be alone and be a big boy. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. So I stuck with it. I started to try to get a grasp on how to teach kids and how to teach English. I was really at a loss in the first month. I didn't want to be there and my teaching and attitude showed it. That is my biggest regret in the first month. My situation had nothing to do with how I was supposed to be acting as a professional. I let the situation affect how I perform, that wasn't me. So I continued in the first month. All I had was money in my pocket from America and a Couple of Korean Won. But, I managed to power through it all and make it a decent month. The most ironic thing happened to me in the first month in Korea. I started going to church. My Korean guide introduced me to a church in Jeonju that spoke English, it was a Christian Church. Now, I say ironic because for the past 10 years I have been agnostic. I had little to no faith anymore in anything. Then I come into the Christian church and all I felt was a warm embrace of something that I can't really describe. I am not saying that I have re-found my religion, but I really don't know what it means, but ever since then I have been traveling about 2 hours every week just to go to church. That is something that I would have never thought I would do in my life. I think I will end the story of the first month on that note for now. I will continue writing about the first month in a couple of days. There is much more to tell.

catching up